The Evil List

ToDieForites (Too-di-for-it-s)

2009-05-23T12:19:00.001-07:00

people suffering from Todieforitus; A 'clinical' condition where a person suffers from the illusion that they should be on TV simply because if they weren't it would mean that they weren't important, and that's just not possible...

This is the 'scientific' name I have given to what now seems to be common place... I think the internet helped feed it, but really it's just pure old self-centeredness... What else would compel people to expect to be hired, or even work for free in a capacity of "Legal Analyst" on TV having never been a lawyer...? Or what drives all of those idiots into mile long lines for American Idol...

Or what drives these people to make video blogs of themselves espousing their opinions, or contrived versions of them, using all the hand gestures they learned from 20/20 and thinking somewhere in some part of their minds that this is going to be their big breakthrough?

1 in four people has been on TV now in the US... I postulate that 1 in 4 will have been an 'analyst' or a 'host' in ten years... Yet only 1 in 50 ever digs a hole with a shovel, or makes something with their hands...

To be on TV is less remarkable than digging a septic trench kids... Welcome to the new world...

Yes I write these giddy little blog things... I did that before the web too... They were just harder to do then and there was no chance they would ever be read...and frankly, that is self-centered enough... But these guys are just...well ...we used to be able to use a word, but for some reason it's illegal now...

"Retarded"...

Neuveau Atheists

2009-05-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

.....So you 'renounced god', you hate the church and it's "evil" ways (lol, get it? get it?). The bible is a 'fairy-tale', and the pope is a jerk. Congratulations, you and Madonna now have yet another thing in-common, wow...I mean , it's like you're a celebrity! You were all "Green" when it was cool, you were all "Bisexual", when it was cool, and your all "Godless" now that it's cool...

Lemme tell you a 'lil something..., okay? ....YOU SUCK!!!! I am an atheist, I took years to decide that (not a huka and a Kevin Smith movie), and I mean it when I say I am one, YOU DONT. It's just another year where you couldn't decide what to be, so you did what everyone did, and claimed "old-school" rights.

I have a little secret for you oh "disillusioned-one".... Real atheists LIKE Christians, real atheist DONT MIND having god's name on money. Real atheists respect other people, real atheist DONT push their RELIGION on the whole fucking world....

You do know what you actually are, don't you? .....The exact thing you say you hate; believing only when you have a big enough crowd to help you try and bully others, and soon to decide to be something else when the crowd does, as always.....

Organic Produce

2009-05-09T12:13:00.002-07:00

Okay take your choice, overweight, in-part due to the chemicals used on bananas, to help them grow and keep them disease-free; or half decayed organic one, with all the diseases and mystery-packages that may have been growing inside for weeks... So in summation, jog more or food-poisoning 1850's style? I'm all for re-thinking what we have done in the past, and correcting things that we can do better now. But if you want to know what the flip-side of an "organic" lifestyle is, let a vegan use your bathroom at a party some time...

9-11 Conspiracy Theorists

2009-05-09T12:13:00.001-07:00

I'm disobedient, disrespectful, you name it... I will question things if I'm pretty sure they should be, and I don't give a fuck about "good-taste". But these guys disgust me in a way that only holocaust deniers and racists normally can. I'd say go to hell, all of you twits, but I like to think that if there were a hell, it would have *some* standard for brain-cell count...

Labor Unions

2009-05-09T12:12:00.001-07:00

They were a great idea, a hundred years ago. We needed them, then... Now that they are one of the single biggest sources of corruption, and a massive hindrance to the advancement of the free world, they should be reformed from top-to-bottom, or gutted and replaced with something that actually serves the intended purpose, rather than tools for bullying and extortion for personal and political over-gain...

Hollywood Re-makes

2009-05-09T12:11:00.003-07:00

They couldn't make good movies, so they stole old ones, over-and-over, and even managed to fuck that up... Please stop, and retire, when Canada is making better movies than you, you have some *real* issues to face..

The New York Times

2009-05-09T12:11:00.001-07:00

Just go away please, that's all, just go-away.....

The Guy Down the Road

2009-05-09T12:10:00.001-07:00

Are you honestly going to tell me your lawn needs to be mowed AGAIN!? For god's sake go surf porn or something.....(I didn't realize people that old even did crystal meth, that just cannot be healthy)

"Surgery Talkers"

2009-05-09T12:09:00.002-07:00

Few things in the course of socializing make me want to level a twelve-guage double barrel shotgun at my own head as much as people who go into lengthy, detailed discussions about the various gender-specific surgeries they have had done... Not that it can't come-up in conversation a little, that's fine... But some people really seem to think that I care a lot about the current state of their fallopian tubes. I've searched my soul on this one, and ...in fact...no...I don't care about them at all, really...I swear...

If I have to straight-face through another one of these while throwing-up *just a little* in my own mouth as the bile rises, I'm going to scream...

Puritan Bars

2009-05-09T12:09:00.001-07:00

You know what I'm talking about. The socially acceptable places where you can show up with your laptop and khaki pants and have a nice "pint" at the "pub" (oh my, how European!). Whilst discussing oh so interesting sports topics while the air fills with courtesy laughter and the smell of freshly purchased sweaters from Eddie Bauer... These are the incarnation of what an 'Un-fun' place the Western US has turned into, and sadly they are as popular as waterbed stores were in 1982...

Drinking charming little micro-brews in these places is one of the most unnatural acts a human being can participate in, just short of listening to Celine Dion, and liking it.... They make me long for a seedy-little-smoke filled hole and Lucky Lager on-tap and a fair-population of semi-toothless people to yap with. But our mothers / governors / *cough* fascist leaders *cough* apparently thought those weren't in 'their plan' for the 'perfect society', so get your laptop fired-up and prepare to yawn for 3 hours straight, cause you will soon have no choice...

Comic-Book Hero Movies

2009-05-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Nothing says "creatively dead" quite like the continued movie-after-movie about super-people from the 1930's. Have you not ruined everything yet? ..Think there is still room to CGI yourself yet another 90 minutes of redundancy. I never really thought that a completely realistic rendition of someone picking up a subway and throwing it across a metropolitan skyline would be a complete yawn, ...but oh baby, it surely is now.... And we already know that actors these days can't actually "act", there is no need for you to repeatedly remind us of that in your films....

Exactly what in your rich, spoiled, ethereal minds tells you that you are being cutting-edge about making these anymore...? Hey Hollywood... You just suck ....Okay? Stop giving your nephews positions as directors, actors, and producers and go back to the midwest truck-stops where you might actually find someone with a *good* idea (by "good" I mean "NOT YOURS")...

Better yet, just die-off like the dinosaurs you are and let others fight it out for media power by making movies that don't suck gerbil-ass......

Pseudo-Nerds

2009-05-09T12:07:00.001-07:00

You downloaded some code, and figured out that if you paste ampersands in the right place, and hit “Compile”, you can add your name to a form. You installed a wireless router in your garage, you read a whole issue of Dr. Dobbs and discovered the phrase “Object-Oriented”, you issued a query to Oracle “SELECT * FROM tblStuff” ….On-and-on…yadda yadda….

Your “Bat-Belt” with the Blackberry *and* the Cell-Phone are very nice, .....I guess… but please go do something useful, car dealerships need salesmen, furniture stores need warehouse guys, marketing needs chart-makers, and you suck at “nerding”, it’s nothing personal, but piss-off and do what you know, PLEASE!!???

The First Guy that put a clock where it wasn't needed

2009-05-09T12:06:00.001-07:00

I must have nearly 50 clocks in my home. Only three of which are clocks I bought or *WANTED!!!!*. "...what time is it you ask? Oh..well let me just check this handy clock that's built into my toilet brush...!" They are in the microwave (WHY?), in the coffee maker (WHY???) in the lamp (WHY?????), in my boxer-shorts (WHY!!!!?????)......

Damn you "Clock-Man"......... Damn you to hell.......

Couples Dating

2009-05-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

Now I *know* I’m not in High School anymore, I *know* that I am a settled, well balanced (heh) adult human-person-being-thingy….. Okay, that’s fine (sort-of), but why-oh-fucking-why must I participate in the soiled horrors of “adultness”.

There is nothing fun about couples dating... even swingers are a bore and a half in this situation (sorry)… Really, bowling, sports, jogging, “moderate alcohol usage”, Ben Affleck movies …., why the fuck don’t we just finally make Logan’s Run a reality and kill anyone over thirty…. It could only make things more exciting…. I’ll put-up too, I wont hold the world back in the name of living when I all I have to look forward to is sweaters for Christmas and social mixing that makes Bingo look like a “hoot” (strings-up a noose and prepares for hell, which certainly awaits him)

Kids, don’t EVER let your Legos go…..

2009-05-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

Things That Are Evil and Should Be Expunged From This World

...working on it... that okay with you?